happiness to me,can sometimes just be a state of mind.
and sometimes it is a lifestyle.
and sometimes it is just a little thing that keeps you going threw the day because thats all you need.
for me,getting a little high out of life used to be a normal thing,i took it for graunted,i didnt realise how happy i was when i was 15. i was really a very very silly girl.
i could remenis for ages,with all the photos and memories,most of which are from big green.best week of my life,up to meeting dan.
i was always stoned,or just calm.and i had bright red hair.and no worries about breathing or silly things like that. high school had its nasty moments,but they made me who i am today.and im so grateful for that.
anyway,what i was getting at,was that i just had a old friend ring me.her name is crystal and ive known her since i was 13.
shes the reason i am the person i am today,from the first kiss from a girl,to the first spliff and vodka shot.
things have changed a lot,and we still keep in touch.
and it gave me a little high when she rang me,because it made me rememeber...which is always nice.
but then i felt really stuffy and i still feel like it now and thats hard to write down it make it worse
grrrrr
maybe its the fact im thinking about the past that make me fell hot and sruffy
which sucks ass to be honest.
ive been so happy every day since being with dan,he puts me in the state of mind that makes me feel calm and happy like at bgg.
and since ive been feeling more of my old self ive been able to apreciate some things more for the first time in ages.
its hard trying to explain this.
like lollies
and photos
and texts
and the cinema
and laughter
and hair =-)
and singing
and music
and paying my guitar
hel smile when he reads this
special boy
1 comments:
The changes that we go through in life are the things which make us who we are, which, in reponse to something else you wrote, does indeed mean we can come across as completely different people to those that we haven't spent a lot of time with. When someone isn't frequently near you between one point and another in time, often they will just remember that first time, and then the most recent time, and compare the two.
Don't think too much that other people changed your life though, because in a way that is a very scary thing to think about. You are the reason you are who you are today, the people around you just influenced you quite a lot because you liked who they were. You're always in control.
I'm glad she got in touch with you, anyway. Good friends should always stay in contact.
You just have to keep it in your head that every time you feel stuffy, and every time you have a panic attack, aside from the difficulty breathing, nothing bad has happened, and nothing bad is going to happen. You know what's going on, you just have to breathe properly. You know you can do that, because whenever you're not having difficulty breathing, you are breathing fine.
It's so nice that I'm the person that can put you in a happy place and make you feel safe, but I really don't want you to get into a position where you depend on me to be able to keep you in a clear state of mind. Not because I plan on running away anywhere or anything, but because there could always be a time when I can't help you. I want to be here for you now so that you can build up your own self-control and deal with things like this own your own.
Strangely, since I've met you, I don't think I've been as much of myself as I was before I met you. I still don't think you've seen "the real me", but hey.
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